Lemonade

I—

I struggled with this. 

I really did. Invent something — 

                                                                 anything, 

that the imagination can conjure up. 

                      It sounds easy, but it’s not, 

                      let me tell you that right now. 

                      Absolutely not an easy task, 

                      mostly because if an invention 

                                 is not life changing, 

         revolutionary, 

                     a totally new way of being, 

                                                          what’s the point? 

It would be like a philosophical question 

    that doesn’t have any discussion,

    or an expedition to some place 

    we’ve already explored entirely, 

    or reading a book you have memorized word for     word.

That’s why I sit here 

        writing down my frustrations 

        with the thoughts of what to invent, 

        thoughts like that of a deep fryer 

        that can cut any shape or style of French Fry, 

        or a coffee machine 

                that is capable of brewing a triple shot, 

                                non-fat, 

                                     cinnamon latte 

                                                with heavy whipped cream 

                            using only a handful of coffee beans, 

                some                     hot                         water, 

                          and                             a                             joke

that is spoken into the machine’s speaker; 

                            the better the joke, 

                            the better the drink.

                It’s an idea, 

                            but it’s a pointless and pathetic idea; 

                just odd combinations 

        designed for efficiency, 

                                                            or convenience, 

                    but it’s not innovation. 

        That’s just polishing what’s already there. 

        That’s not invention. 

        That’s not progress. 

When life gives you lemons, 

                                                        make lemonade, 

                                    or so the saying goes.

Many more ideas went through my head, 

                such as teleportation beacons 

                    you could attach to your pets, 

                                kids, 

                                            and even spouses, 

                    which would send them back 

                to the preprogrammed HOME location, 

        but I couldn’t quite get 

    the quantum mechanisms down right, 

                not to mention that unwanted teleportation 

                    could lead to some rather embarrassing                                             situations.

Then there was the self-sharpening chainsaw; 

            the four dimensional puzzle; 

            the solar powered night light; 

            clocks which controlled time; 

            the smartphone AI 

                                which could detect when you’re                             about to send 

                                a drunken text to a former lover, 

                        and tells you that the message was sent 

                when it really wasn’t, 

         saving the user from a lot of embarrassing 

    wake-ups and hang-ups. 

                    But I had to abandon that idea 

                        simply because I can’t tell the difference 

                            between a drunk text and a normal                                     one, 

            so there was no way 

          I could program a program 

                        to do the same. 

When life gives you lemons, 

                                                      make lemonade.

One of my better ideas had great potential though: 

                        it was a collar for cats 

                        which would translate their thoughts 

                        into the language of your choice, 

                        but whenever I got around 

                        to testing a prototype, 

                        the device erupted 

                        in a shower of flames. 

                        I don’t know 

                        if it was due to a design flaw 

                        of my own doing, 

                        or, 

                                the far more plausible explanation, 

                        that the thoughts of cats 

are far too complex for computers to handle.

I lost a lot of prototypes.

                                                      I also lost a lot of cats.

        Lemons: 

                          lemonade, 

                                               you know the drill.

I did have another idea 

       for a mechanical pencil 

   that doubled as a figurative chisel, 

          designed to break apart                                                                               the dreaded writer’s block, 

            but that got crushed 

     by the very thing it was trying to solve, 

which adds another layer of difficulty 

                    to this whole endeavor 

          of coming up with an invention.

I could try coming up with a storage system 

for lemons since                   I keep getting so many 

and I can’t                             make lemonade 

out of them                          quick enough. 

Or maybe                    I should make a machine 

that makes                               instant lemonade 

out of                                    whole lemons, 

          but that’s not innovation.

When life gives you lemons, 

                                                                    blah, 

              blah, 

                                                blah.

I hate being stuck in a rut. 

I don’t know what to do. 

How about a ladder 

that helps people climb out of their ruts! 

Some kind of supplement they can take 

during a meal or drink; 

a pill that dissolves, 

or a special powder; 

a chemical compound 

that sends emotional and physical motivation 

to the body, 

allowing people to attain their goals, 

to reach for the stars, 

to achieve what they never thought 

was achievable before — 

                           it’s just what the doctor ordered!

Another drug to give to a doped up society. 

                                                                             Stupid idea. 

When life gives you lemons…

You know what? 

                                   I’ve been thinking: 

                               when life gives you lemons, 

                          don’t make lemonade — 

         make life TAKE the lemons back! 

             GET MAD! 

Tell life, 

               ‘I don’t want your damn lemons, 

                what am I supposed to do with these‽” 

Demand to see life’s manager, 

        and don’t take ‘no’ for an answer; 

        don’t leave until you have received 

        the answers you deserve! 

        I am going to make life rue the day 

        it thought it could give ME lemons — 

don’t you know who I am‽ 

            I’m the man who’s going to invent 

                 a combustible lemon 

          that I can throw into life’s house

                                     and burn it to the ground!

That’s it! Eureka!

When life gives you lemons, 

                                                 make lemon–grenades — 

LEMONADES!

🍋

                                                  








FIN